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A Man Named Jake

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(no subject) [4th Jan 2012|12:37 pm]
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I am slowly going insane. No mental deterioration involved, but these kidney stones are driving me to the brink of madness. Every couple of months something happens and I'm stuck wallowing in pain and feeling a constant need to take a leak even when I don't actually need to.

I am told kidney stones are about as close as a male human being can get to labor pains. I believe it. Now if only this Percocet would kick in a little faster, I'd be in much less of a panic.

Hell of a way to start off the new year.
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Voice Post [6th Aug 2011|07:14 pm]
VoicePost
25K 0:09
(no transcription available)
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Simple ideas are never as simple as they seem. [16th Mar 2011|01:13 am]
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You tend to forget that things like this had to start somewhere, with an idea, and someone had to come up with it in the first place.

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(no subject) [15th Mar 2011|11:00 pm]
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It's a matter of misplaced priorities these days. Too many people are being serious about very small matters and unserious about very great ones.
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RIP Joe Morello [12th Mar 2011|05:20 pm]
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Quo vadis? and Cui bono? [27th Feb 2011|04:06 am]
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Going through my backlog of old material. My God, it really is all shit. Read more...Collapse )
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(no subject) [12th Feb 2011|03:20 pm]
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REALIST, n. 1. What a cynic calls himself.
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Far too many kicks in the crotch. [11th Feb 2011|11:31 pm]
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I have no patience with the idea that suffering is art, or that reading about happy characters is boring. In my opinion, a work that is all suffering and no happiness is even more boring -- if not an outright insult to the reader and a waste of their time. Nothing pisses me off more than a character enduring pain without the least chance of profiting by it; the reward (the eucatastrophe, as Tolkien was the first to call it) is necessary for the catharsis to work.

You cocksuckers, I watch this stuff to escape. If you're fucking miserable, watching or reading about someone triumphing over misery or evil is far from boring -- in fact, it may even be encouraging. There are far too many stories out there whose main and only purpose seems to be to take the reader's good mood, slaughter it as gorily as possible, and piss on the remains. There are far too many stories I have encountered where for weeks afterward I couldn't decide whether I wanted to kill myself or the author who put my emotions through the wringer for nothing. There's no catharsis, no closure, they just kick me in the balls and then gloat about how much humankind, the world, and the universe all suck.

Kurt Vonnegut said that good fiction writing takes the characters apart to see how they work. Well, what happens when you don't put them back together, asshole?
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Well, that makes as much sense as anything else I've heard [21st Jan 2011|03:46 pm]
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An anonymous Japanese poster on 2ch, offering his explanation as to what draws Westerners to some Japanese series: "I think it's the gaps -- the contrasts. They like characters who are tough and resilient despite their appearances, the kind of characters that at first sight you would ordinarily think were too drunk, too old, too young, or too cute to be really 'strong'. I guess it seems cooler to them that way."
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By way of apology: [11th Jan 2011|11:10 am]
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I've had severe mental issues in the past, and still do. I've always had some kind of inkling of their destructive impact on the people around me. Only now do I see, as if from outside, how bad it can truly get -- I don't understand what's going on in my head any better than anyone else does, but that's no excuse for letting my difficulties get in the way of other people.

I apologize to everyone I've ever scared or offended, for everything I've ever done to frighten them, offend them, or make them distrustful or uneasy around me. I have been struggling against myself all this time -- against something that is fundamentally wrong with me, something that I feel I have no hope of comprehending. I can only say that I am trying to get my shit together, and I will do my best to keep it together in future... no matter how much of a struggle that may be. I'm sorry.
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Okay, here's some fun stuff. [1st Jan 2011|03:57 pm]
Finally had enough $$$ saved up to spare a few bucks for a Christmas present to myself. Got a used copy of SONIC COLORS -- and now, having played a good chunk of it, I have no idea who would be dumb enough or picky enough to return this game after less than a month. This thing is SUCH a breath of fresh air.

Read more...Collapse )
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(no subject) [1st Jan 2011|01:41 am]
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2008: I almost kill myself in a car accident.
2009: I find out I'm on the autism spectrum.
2010: My wife has a nervous breakdown.

2011: God damn it this better be good.
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(no subject) [26th Dec 2010|02:52 pm]
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Note to self for new year: More long walks, fewer cigarettes, and never take a third helping of anything.
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This Picture [17th Dec 2010|10:24 pm]
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(no subject) [12th Dec 2010|12:43 am]
This is not a bridge I want to burn.

This is not a bridge I want to burn.

I did this to myself. I did this to all of you. I did it because I didn't understand. I did it because I didn't know how to make you understand.

I NEVER say the right thing.

I was arrogant enough to think I could keep everyone happy. I was cowardly enough to think that everyone was angry with me all the time.

My wife is disgusted with me and my best friends despise me. I've betrayed them all equally.

Go on hating me if you must, but take pity on me if you still can. God help me, I didn't know any better.

This is not a bridge I want to burn.

For Christ's sake please, this is not a bridge I want to burn.
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(no subject) [11th Dec 2010|10:06 pm]
you see you see you see my fucking problem? everything i say when i speak for anyone else gets fucking misinterpreted. what person A thinks person B said and did is totally something other than what person B meant. but BECAUSE IT HAD TO GO THROUGH *MY* *STUPID* *FUCKING* *SHIT* *MOUTH* one of them winds up hating the other for things that NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED, things that are being interpreted WRONG because *I* PUT IT THE WRONG FUCKING WAY.

I AM TIRED OF HAVING TO BE THE GOD DAMN GO-BETWEEN FOR TWO SEPARATE PARTIES. I AM *NOT* *THAT* *FUCKING* *RELIABLE*. i cannot IMAGINE why anyone would assume that a picture of my world that *I* am painting for them is in ANY WAY accurate, because it's pretty much god damn guaranteed NOT to be. everything has to go through my filter, and I ALWAYS ALWAYS -- and i mean FUCKING ALWAYS -- say the wrong thing and give the wrong impression, and make things seem so much WORSE than they are... and that actually DOES make things worse than they were before.

NOW GET YOUR ASSES ON SKYPE OR AIM OR SOME FUCKING THING -- shit, even here on l.j. would be enough -- AND *TALK* THIS SHIT OUT GOD DAMN YOU, and yes I mean ALL of you. but I am sitting it out. i hate this situation, and i hate myself most because it's MY brainless retarded fucking ass that had the biggest hand in it -- not hers, MINE, like the kid who spreads rumors around the school and causes somebody who didn't deserve it to get their ass kicked on the playground.
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I have come to a conclusion about my art [7th Dec 2010|04:59 pm]
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And that conclusion is simply this: that I cannot draw.

I can fake it convincingly, but I do not have so much as a scrap of natural, inborn talent. All that I have I came by through twenty-seven years of constant practice, and from nothing else.

I have such beautiful scenes in my head, but when I come to the pen and paper I slip up somewhere -- I have to slip up, because I am completely winging it; my cartoons look like the work of a guy who suspects that he's doing something wrong, but can't quite figure out how to go about correcting it. And don't ask me to paint anything, for God's sake -- everything turns out an impressionistic Jackson Pollock splotch, regardless of whether that's what I'm aiming for. And no matter what I'm drawing, in six months' time I'll come back to it and all I'll be able to see are the mistakes.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I've been practicing the better part of three decades for a skill I don't actually possess.
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(no subject) [1st Dec 2010|07:50 am]
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My definition of a "Troll" is a bonafide contrarian who doesn't go looking for an actual argument, only for lulz. By which I mean that he gets you to the highest pitch of your temper, sputtering your foam-flecked viewpoint at him, at which point he responds with: "HA HA HA I wasn't even listening to your retarded f__king argument, and you WASTED all that valuable effort. As of right now, your day has had more happiness and peace-of-mind sucked out of it than mine has, which means I WIN. Have a nice day, asshole."
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(no subject) [27th Nov 2010|11:33 pm]
Please god finish me now, before I let someone down again.
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The only statement I have to make about the elections [4th Nov 2010|06:36 pm]
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I don't think it's a coincidence that all 95 members of Congress who supported the idea of Net Neutrality regulations lost their seats on Tuesday.
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Akita and Celeste (for Randi) [28th Oct 2010|10:07 pm]
Long before the mutual confessionsCollapse )
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Petty Theft [25th Oct 2010|09:10 pm]
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We were about to take Lindsey's car to Jiffylube for a checkup when we discovered that some douchenozzle had stolen her Support Gamers magnet off the back of her car... Apparently, not content with games, movies, and music, people have now sunk to pirating bumper stickers. I don't know what kind of asshole would do that.
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(no subject) [25th Oct 2010|12:25 am]
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By my current count, I have five projects going, and ideas for at least one more. I suspect that none of them will ever be finished as long as I live.

I'm terrified that I'll be struck down by a heart attack or a stroke or an aneurysm or something some time in the next five years, and nothing I've done will ever see the light of day. The thing that most galls me is the idea of leaving the world without having left even the slightest mark on it.

Six months after I die, the world will have forgotten -- if it ever knew -- that I existed.
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I confess, I re-edited this myself [7th Sep 2010|01:46 am]
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Mostly to change the music; I think the guys at Sega have been listening to too much Owl City, so I decided to take it in the other direction entirely -- no synths at all. Let me know what you think.

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(no subject) [26th Aug 2010|05:35 pm]
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It seems like every doctor in town has a two-week waiting list for new patients. We can't afford that kind of time.

Everything is piling up on top of everything else to the extent that it's robbing us of what little social life we have left.
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Seriously, f__k this week. [20th Aug 2010|05:06 pm]
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Monday: Lindsey goes to the hospital complaining of chest pains and is diagnosed with an inflammation of the cartilage of the ribcage. Nothing serious, but she winds up short of breath for long periods of time.

Wednesday: Lindsey trips at work and twists her ankle.

Thursday: Linz, still in a bad state and not thinking clearly, accidentally puts her cell phone in the washing machine. Phone dead, will have to get replacement. Both of us very depressed and in no condition to attend the first THEM meeting of the year.

Today: My car breaks down on the way to pick Linz up from work. Linz doesn't have a phone to keep in touch with me, so she hitches a ride with a co-worker to where I'm stranded. I get stuck waiting under a tree by the roadside for an hour until she shows up, and then we wait another forty minutes for the tow truck. Car is now in the shop, won't be ready till Monday. Our other car hasn't been driven in God knows how long and will probably need going-over at Jiffy Lube; when we get back from this adventure and look Lindsey's car over, we find that some asshole who parked next to it has dinged one of its rear doors and scratched the shit out of the paintwork.

Currently, Lindsey's only just recovered from her ailments, I'm half unconscious with heat prostration, and our transportation situation is not optimal.

Either God hates us or we had some SERIOUS bad karma building up.
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For Eric and Randi: Argentina moé [2nd Aug 2010|04:51 pm]
So is that Gaby next to Maradona in this picture? Or is that Messi?Collapse )
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How big of a wuss is Edward Cullen? [31st Jul 2010|01:13 pm]
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This guy could probably beat the crap out of him.
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(no subject) [21st Jul 2010|07:48 pm]
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Sorry, but I have to vent about this bullshit somewhere...

http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/world/2010/March/Child-Welfare-Agency-Echoes-Nazi-Germany/

This article is not crying wolf or blowing things out of proportion -- it is all true. All of it.Collapse )
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"problems with the contents", or what it feels like to lose your life's work [16th Jul 2010|09:15 pm]
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I have been working on a manuscript for the better part of three years, and now neither MS Fucking Word nor any other program can open it because it's corrupted.

Two and a half years of illustrations and second- and third- draft editing. Gone. And apparently without a hope of recovery. I could simply go back to an earlier, more incomplete version, but there's no chance that I can possibly remember all the touches I put on my work to improve it.

Two and a half years of work, every hour of it wasted.

I have put so much of my life into this lost work that it has taken every remaining ounce of my willpower not to kill myself immediately.
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(no subject) [11th Jun 2010|10:36 pm]
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I have this nightmare that before I can finish and publish my book there will be an EMP attack and all my work will be gone forever, along with most of what's left of Western civilization.
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(no subject) [1st Jun 2010|01:53 pm]
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I have known myself to agonize for hours or days on end over a drawing. I honestly don't know why, since nothing I ever manage to put down on paper looks nearly as good as it does in my head. I usually just put my pencil down at some point and say, "F__k it. Close enough."

When I look back at something I've drawn, I notice the mistakes first... but I leave them in during the process out of sheer frustration, because I can't draw the way I want to draw. That is a simple statement of fact -- I have been practicing for twenty-six of the twenty-eight years I have lived on this planet. This is as good as my art gets.

In the unlikely event that the world doesn't end and I live to forty before I have my first heart attack, I'll probably improve a little, but there's no point in holding my breath and wishing I could draw exactly what I see in my mind. It isn't going to happen, wish or no wish.

On the scale of artists, with 10 being Michelangelo and zero being barely capable of drawing a straight line, I think I rank a solid 0.75 or thereabouts.
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(no subject) [31st May 2010|04:40 am]
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Memorial Day. Spare a thought or a prayer for those who never made it back.
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(no subject) [30th May 2010|02:52 am]
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"It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane."
Philip K. Dick
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(no subject) [29th May 2010|12:48 am]
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More of my Esprit story finished, for those of you who are keeping up. Finally sat down and got to work, and finished the next chapter.
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Words I had with my wife [17th May 2010|09:36 am]
"Hon, you may be thinking that life sucks, but that's nothing to complain about. Everybody's life sucks, all the time... Even the people who think they're happy, their lives suck, too -- either they just temporarily forgot about it or they're too stupid to notice."
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Lyrics: Worm Quartet, "What Your Parents Think All Your Music Sounds Like" [17th May 2010|12:55 am]
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Read more...Collapse )
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Funny thing... [2nd May 2010|02:26 am]
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I've been hearing so much about the environmental damage that will inevitably result from this oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico -- dead pelicans, dead sea otters, and so forth. What kills me is that nobody's talking about the eleven human beings who died in the explosion on the oil rig.

We seem, as a society, to have grown more and more concerned about the sufferings and deaths of animals and more and more callous toward the sufferings and deaths of humans. I'm not surprised, though; unlike animals, human beings aren't cute.
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Those who know their film history... [29th Apr 2010|01:08 am]
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know this is a WIN. Read more...Collapse )
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Sociophilosophical bullshit ahead [24th Apr 2010|01:28 pm]
The problem with law enforcementCollapse )
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